Sympathy Sentiments

When the death of a loved one occurs, regardless or whether it was expected or not, you will find yourself having to deal with a great number of people. Some you will know closely, others may be complete strangers; all will be claiming some kind of relationship to the deceased.

Whilst grieving for your loved one you may find yourself not wanting contact with anybody other than those to whom you are closest. Having to deal with so many people can be very difficult so it’s important to understand how to handle them.

Relatives and Close Friends

Those who were close to the deceased need to be contacted before the funeral. When you break the news, remember that they will also need the chance to express their grief and this must be respected, no matter how deeply distressed you are feeling yourself.

Sometimes it can be difficult, if not impossible, to trace certain family members. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve not been able to contact all of them.

Some of those who you’ll need to contact may be people who you do not know personally. If they come to the funeral and you have not been able to speak to them properly it would be a good idea to write or telephone them later, to thank them for attending.

The Small Funeral

Perhaps you have decided on a small funeral, either through your own personal preference or because the deceased made their own preference clear. Perhaps the financial side of the funeral will force you into this decision. Make the decision clear and stick to it.

You may find that some friends or relatives insist on attending even after you’ve explained this to them. Be polite but firm. Explain that you appreciate their wish to attend, but that it is a family decision to enforce such a restriction. If they still insist, they are simply being insensitive and you may have to take a different approach. You might tell them that the date of the funeral has not yet been decided and leave things at that. Whatever you do, don’t allow anyone to emotionally blackmail you into changing your decision. And don’t feel guilty if you need to lie. They are being insensitive, and you are simply trying to deal with matters as best you can.

Polite Conversation

Unless the funeral is very small it will probably be impossible for you to speak to all of the attendees. Don’t even try. Most people will understand that you are not going to feel like making polite conversation. You will find that those will any degree of sensitivity will simply approach you, kiss your cheek/shake your hand and offer their condolences. They will not expect more than you are able to offer.

The Wake

Most people organize some form of refreshment after the funeral. This can be a good way of accepting condolences from those you were unable to speak with during the actual service. By offering refreshments you are showing that you are willing to share your grief with those who are also suffering through their own loss.

Enlist the help of a friend or two. You may feel that you will be able to cope but having support close by will be very helpful should you find that you are feeling too upset to appear.

The Will

It’s an unfortunate fact that funerals can often bring out the worst in people. Some of the most long-lasting family arguments have started at a funeral,
with squabbles over who should get what. You may find yourself surprised at just who is able to throw themselves into such arguments, even though they are in the midst of their own grief.

You may find yourself being quizzed at the graveside. People can be very clever in their approach, offering condolences and then adding the innocent question of what the deceased has left to whom. You may also find yourself the target of malicious comments regarding your ‘improved financial situation’. There can be more hidden rivalry within families than most would imagine.

You mustn’t allow yourself to be drawn into arguments. Simply pretend to ignore any unwanted comments and questions. If they persist, explain that you are far too upset to think about such matters at the moment and that if they’ve been mentioned in the will then they will be contacted in due course.

In the case of a will never having been made and where there is any disagreement regarding who has the right to what, explain that you will appoint a solicitor to handle the estate and explain, as above, that they will be contacted in due course.

The Following Days

Some people find themselves terribly alone in the days following the funeral, whereas others feel that they never have any time to themselves to grieve. Remember that others cannot read your mind anymore than you can read theirs, they’re simply doing what they believe to be right.

If they choose to stay away, they are probably doing so out of respect for your privacy. If they choose to spend as much time as possible with you, this will be because they fear for your ability to cope alone. Explain to them what your needs are. If you need people around you, phone some friends and ask them to visit. If you need to be alone, explain this politely and ask if you may phone them should you need their company. You’ll find that most people are very accommodating as long as they understand your needs.

The loss of a loved one is never easy and nobody will ever expect it to be. For some the funeral seems to pass as just a hazy memory, leaving a feeling of guilt at not remembering the details of this last farewell. Remember that it’s the memories you have of the person when alive that are important, and it’s these that will remain clear to you in the future. During deep grief it can be very difficult to grasp details of what’s happening but this does not mean you didn’t care. Quite the opposite in fact.

About the Author

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), potters in her garden, knits and reads everything she comes over. Sharon can be contacted at s.jacobsen@doodlebugmedia.co.uk

How often have we heard ourselves complaining about how unlucky we are in life or how things are just not working out right for us. However, what we so easily forget is that at some time before in lives, luck has favoured us.But it is human nature whereby we remember only what didn t work for us but easily forget the things that happened in our favour. There are several things in life that we must cherish and be thankful to God for. One important thing that we must do is make a list of all the good things that have happened to us or all the blessings we have got and refer to that list whenever we feel upset or uncared for. Actually this is the same logic, which we use when we read old love letters because they remind us of happy times and cherished memories. Here is a list of ten quotations and how we can interpret these to lead a happier life.
1) Cry a river; build a bridge; get over it.
Let go of past failures, sadness and people whom we remember but who no longer care for us. This sounds so easy but its easier said than done. We all have gone through our share of heartaches and sadness. But when we constantly remember the pain and suffering we had endured, we are allowing that sadness to gain an upper hand over us. What we must realize is that what has happened, has happened. Its over and done with. People change and times change. Moving on in life is very but it s the first constructive step to a better you.
2) Everything happens in its own time.
There are things that we do and expect to be rewarded for which does not happen. In offices there might be a promotion that we might have wanted, a high percentage of marks in a test or a job offer that we were sure that was to be given to us etc that never worked out. At such times we lose perspective and blame our luck and become despondent. We need to realize that there is a time for everything that happens in our lives. And when the appropriate time comes, things will start working the way they were supposed to work.
3) You are the only person who can make yourself happy.
Think of your happiness too and be kind to yourself. In life all of us have goals and ambitions. But in the pursuit of those goals we lose sight of the bigger picture that we are doing all that to make ourselves happy. This is seen especially in the case of mothers who are doing so many things for their kids and family that they don t remember as to when was the last time they did something for their own happiness. It happens to all of us. Be more gentle on yourself. Make yourself happy and that can be done in so many ways. Treat yourself to some ice cream, buy a book that you were dying to read, spend a day lolling in the bed and doing nothing. We deserve it and so do our bodies.
4) Laughter is the best tranquilizer with no side effects.
Laugh each and every day of your life. Humorous situations happen to us every single day. Whether you choose to enjoy the moment or not is your decision. There are so many excuses in our day-to-day life to have a good laugh. All we need to do is just look at the lighter side of life and enjoy the moment. When you laugh don t think whether people are watching you or how much you laugh. It s their problem that they cannot find the humor in the situation that you have found.
5) Happiness is a journey not a destination.
As we make our journey through life we have so many things to savour and experience. There is no such thing as instant happiness or happiness that can be found somewhere. Live your life each day, as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point.
6) Do today what others wont so you can live tomorrow like others can t.
So many times we are faced with duties and work that we are not happy doing or performing. In those times instead of hating or shirking from that work we can try and make use of thought that somehow whatever we doing will prove beneficial to us one day or the other. Maybe the results won t be seen tomorrow but surely we will benefit because we did something that no one was willing to do. An example would be the people who started companies, which are million dollar establishments today. They dared to venture and put their money in something that their colleagues would not have been willing to do and today their work is paying off rich dividends.
7) It is never too late to be what you might have become.
There are several factors that cause us to land up doing the work we do. Many of us at some point of time or the other would have definitely wanted to make a career change and thought that its too late to do it. But the truth is its never too late. We can start doing whatever we want to do because its your life and your decisions. In the U.S, there are people who attend college in their late 60’s and 70’s because they always wanted to do it. Such people are the ones who believe in this adage.
Treasure the love you receive it will survive long after your gold and good health have vanished.
We always cherish our material possessions more. Life takes a lot from all of us. Today we might have good health, family love and a good home to go back to. What we forget is that there are some many calamities that can take away all our comforts but love is something that can never be taken away. We need to be more demonstrative of our love towards others and treat our loved ones with more kindness and affection.
9) The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.
Any huge task that needs to be done seems very daunting at first. But if we analyze the task carefully and do it step by step we will find that things get resolved very quickly and easily. But we need to be bold enough to take the first small step. Once that is done we just need to proceed with small steps towards our goal.
10) Always have: something to do, something to love, something to hope for.
These three things are something that will keep the flame burning within all of us. Something to do will keep us busy, something to love will keep us motivated and something to hope for will take us faster towards our goal.

About the Author

I like reading,surfing the web n listening to music.Writing is my passion and i hope you enjoy this article..