Sympathy Sentiments

The following article has some useful tips you may want to consider if you are asked to write a eulogy for a relative or loved one. Although I do not agree with the last paragraph (eulogy is not a biography), it does contain some helpful pointers. I do feel that some biographical information is insightful and helpful to those attending services who may not be especially close to the deceased. Being in just this position on several occasions myself, learning more about the departed’s life opened my eyes to things I had never known about the person.

How to Write a Eulogy for Your Loved One

Writing a eulogy for your loved one is indeed an
emotionally daunting task. As you begin writing, you
remember the good times you’ve celebrated, and the bad
times you’ve weathered along with your loved one. The
nostalgia will fill your eyes with tears, but you must get
over your emotions and write a “from-the-heart” eulogy – a
eulogy that is a sincere and an emotional farewell. Here
are some ideas and tips on how you must pen your eulogy for
your loved one and make it sound like an ode to his/her
life:

1. You must first plan your eulogy: its duration should be
well under ten minutes but should still capture the
poignant highlights in your loved one’s life.

2. Remember not to speak anything that is negative and do
not reminiscence about touchy issues. Keep the eulogy
simple, optimistic and anything but gloomy.

3. Having decided the theme and the tone, you must now
collect content. To collect content, you will have to look
through photo albums and note down the happiest or even the
strangest moments and events in your life. You must also
note down your loved one’s special qualities, passions,
habits and what was it about him/her that made him/her so
endearing.

4. Once you have the content ready, you must break it up
into three parts: beginning, middle and end. The beginning
can be an inspirational quote or even a poem or anything
that will stir the audience; the middle portion will be
pure nostalgia: the moments you shared, the ups and downs,
exhilarating and quirky episodes, quotes and comments and
whatever other content you have gathered. The end of any
eulogy usually carries a punch. Of course, you need to
remember that your punch lines must be in context and,
though they may make the listener smile, they should
inspire him too. For example, “Mary was the one who used to
push me into writing notes, so that I should leave nothing
to memory; forgive me Mary, from today onwards I shall
consign everything to memory. Your memories will remain
with me forever.”

5. Though a eulogy is considered formal, it must be written
in a conversational, informal tone. Go ahead and read
samples by all means, but write out your eulogy from your
heart, in your own conversational style.

6. You must not cast yourself as the principal character in
your eulogy – do not forget to mention about people who
were close to the deceased, such as her best friend and
relations.

7. You must always hand over a copy of your eulogy to a
trusted friend or relation, who can finish it for you just
in case you are overwhelmed by emotions.

A eulogy is not a biography – it is more like recounting
personal experiences. And when it comes to your loved one,
you must make the best effort to produce the best piece you
have ever written. After all, it’s for your loved one – for
someone you gave your heart to and received happiness,
warmth and a fulfilling life in return.

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Patricia Bennett publishes a wealth of information on this
subject.
See www.thefinalrest.com

Remembering someone special in a personal way can be healing for everyone concerned, for a eulogy is a deeply personal way of saying goodbye. The key word is life, and you’ve been given the opportunity to celebrate a loved one’s life in the individual way that made your friend unique. Don’t be daunted by the task, just take these simple steps for a sincere and moving last farewell.

To prepare a eulogy, you will need to be well prepared. The eulogy should convey your feelings and your experiences and should be written in an informal, conversational tone. It s not for summarising the person’s life and it doesn t have to speak for all present. Just sit down and write from your heart. So, where do you start?

1. Get your material

First, collect some biographical facts : age, working life, marriage dates, places lived, children, and so on. Ask the family, they will welcome the chance to talk about their loved one. Then collect personal facts : special skills and accomplishments, characteristics, hobbies, etc. Now think about the stories you remember, or the turn of phrase or typical behavior that captures a person’s character so well.

Here are some questions to get you thinking:

• How did you and the deceased become close? When did you meet?

• What’s a humourous or touching event that sticks in your mind. Does it represent the individuality of your friend?

• What did you most like and admire about the deceased?

• What will you miss most about this person?

• What will you always remember?

Some of the simplest thoughts are deeply touching. For example, “I’ll miss his crooked grin I ll always remember her bubbling laugh. These warm touches will bring loving memories to those who are listening. Some of the best memorial services are filled with fond remembrances and laughter. Poetry is inspirational, and also of great assistance in writing a eulogy.

2. Organise your material

Write your notes in point form on sheets of paper or on 3×5 file cards – one idea to a card. Now group the cards into piles of similar topics. Then sort each pile of cards into a logical order. Write your first draft. Use linking sentences to make each topic flow easily into the next. Pay most attention to your beginning and ending. As you write, edit and polish, keep the words “celebration” and “thanksgiving” in your mind.

3. Practice!

If you re not used to speaking in public, start practicing. Run an Internet search on ’speaking tips’ or borrow a book on speaking from the library. Read your speech into a tape and then play it back. You’ll be able to polish your eulogy and your delivery. Now stand in front of a mirror and practice some more. Even someone who has never spoken in public at all will do a good job with practice.

4. How do you keep calm?

It doesn’t sound easy, but you can do it. If you’re worried about choking up or breaking down in the middle of your eulogy, you can take a moment to compose yourself, then carry on. This is perfectly acceptable. If you re afraid you might break down while in the middle of the eulogy and find yourself unable to recover, ask someone ahead of time to be ready to take over at a signal from you. Give them a copy of your eulogy. Just knowing you have a backup speaker will probably be all you need to stay calm.

Above all, remember to breathe

You’ll only have to speak for five to ten minutes, but your gift will live on in the hearts of the deceased’s family and friends

Susanna Duffy is a Civil Celebrant, grief counsellor and mythologist. She creates ceremonies and Rites of Passage for individual and civic functions, and specialises in Croning and other celebrations for women. http://celebrant.yarralink.com