Sympathy Wording – How to Ease the Writing Task

By Bob Matthews

Composing Sincere Sympathy Wording is Not an Easy Task

Choosing sympathy wording for bereavement cards is never a simple matter. You feel like you are “on the spot”. You do your best to make your words sound genuine and sincere, but it is always difficult to put your true feelings into words. However, if you take a little time to plan out your message and follow the tips in this article, you will see soon be able to see remarkable improvements in your sympathy wording.

Personalize Your Sympathy Wording

While you can certainly send preprinted sympathy cards, your message will have more impact and be better appreciated if you take the time to compose it yourself. I am not suggesting that you can only send blank cards with your words exclusively being the only words on the inside. It is perfectly acceptable to send a “standard” store-bought card with a preprinted sentiment on the inside, but be sure to include additional words of your own in addition to your signature. In fact, if you chose carefully, the preprinted words in the card may actually complement your words and serve to make you message stronger.

What to Include in Your Sympathy Wording

One thing you will certainly wish to express is your own sadness and feelings of loss. These words will not be easy to write. It is hard to express our true feelings – and they generally do not translate easily or well into the English language. Be careful not to over-embellish your language here. Flowery or pretentious language will have a tendency to sound insincere or phony in this situation. Keep it simple and write conversationally. Write as if you were speaking and your words will sound natural and sincere.

Most importantly, to show your support, you will also want to include an offer to follow up or help in some way. I will give you a call tomorrow. Maybe we can meet for dinner. Or, I know you’re going to be busy this week. If you need someone to watch the children, just let me know.

A Difficult Job

Most people find it much harder to compose sympathy wording than birthday greetings, anniversary wished or other holiday greeting. Those latter occasions are happy and joyful and consequently, are easier to speak and write about. On the other hand, the passing of a loved one is a very delicate situation. Additionally, the person receiving your greetings is most likely in a delicate and vulnerable state of mind so we must take care in all of our communications with them.

Look for Inspiration

To make the job easier, feel free to search online or look for a suitable book to help compose your sympathy wording. A book that I happen to use is a book titled Words to the Rescue. The phrases in this time-saving book are written so that they can be borrowed and written directly on the card. However, I prefer not to use them “as-is” but to customize them to make them more personal and appropriate for the situation at hand.

So, for example, if I am trying to find exceptional sympathy wording for a friend who has lost their father; I might choose this sentiment from the book to use as a springboard: I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing your grandfather. But from what you told me, I know how much he was loved and will be missed.

Using the basic structure and essence of that phrase, I could rework it: I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing your father. But from the all the stories you told us about your family vacations, I realize what a vibrant and uplifting person he was and how much he will be missed.

Fight Against Sympathy Wording Writer’s Block

Sure, it’s hard to write effective sympathy wording. It’s a touchy subject and it’s easy to write words that sound insincere. But by simply following the tips in this article you can be crafting improved sympathy messages immediately. Also, I recommend that you purchase a resource for inspiration.

I recommend Words to the Rescue by Steve Fadie – mostly because I’ve never seen another book like it. For more information on Words to the Rescue, and to find out how you can download some FREE SAMPLES from the book, see the paragraph below.

About the Author: One of my favorite handy resources for helping me write sympathy messages, birthday cards, floral cards – greetings of any kind – is a book called Words to the Rescue. It’s great for composing sympathy wording or sentiments for any kind of cards. With more than 1000 phrases and sentiments to choose from, it will be a great resource for years to come.

Source: www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=484404&ca=Death

In a world of diverse cultures, beliefs and personalities, everyone basically wants the same thing when it comes to how they are remembered. They want to be remembered in a positive light not for their accomplishments, but more importantly, that they meant something in the lives of others.

If you are in the position of having to speak at a service, or maybe just expressing your sympathies to someone who has lost a loved one, you will more than likely speak of the good they may have done, or a trait they had that made them so special.

Often people are remembered by recalling a particular incident that shows how they affected others. Perhaps a funny or light-hearted story that shows how the person brought laughter to others, or examples of how they were a special mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, etc. It is at times like these when we may re-examine our lives and reconsider what our priorities in life should be.

How do you want to be remembered? As someone who was successful in business and made a lot of money? Or as someone who touched people’s lives and did their best to make the world a better place? It is a very interesting question to ponder.

May we keep all of those affected by this tragedy in our prayers and thoughts. This horrible tragedy has touched lives around the world. Please remember the victim’s families and friends in your prayers.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process. The fund will be used to cover expenses such as assistance to victims and their families, Grief counseling, memorials and more. To view more information on the memorial fund Click here, or the PlanetBlacksburg.com site.

That was not the voice of the president of the United States, addressing fellow Americans on Memorial Day. Rather, it was the speech of Sunrise and Sunset, two kings who had led expeditionary forces throughout the earth in a vain search for Inferno, the terrorist. They had returned home without their soldiers, and had to explain to their countrymen and women why it was necessary for the soldiers to die. The book’s title from which the quotation was taken is my controversial work, CHASING SHADOWS! : A Dream.

According to Jonathan Glover in his book, Humanity A Moral History of the Twentieth Century, “Death in twentieth-century war has been on a scale which is hard to grasp. . . . But, if these deaths had been spread evenly over a period, war would have killed around 2,500 people every day. That is over 100 people an hour, around the clock, for ninety years.” Hardly something to cheer about. People are either being slaughtered in political, racial, or religious wars. And members of the armed forces are dying in large numbers.

It is for this reason that nations all over the word have set aside a date to remember its fallen soldiers. Americans have two the Memorial Day, which is marked on the last Monday of May, and Remembrance Sunday or Veterans Day celebrated on November 11. On these occasions, seasoned speech writers ensconced in the serenity of well guarded offices, craft Demosthenian and Ciceronian speeches and hand them over to draft dodging heads of states, who intone the virtues of sacrifice and the reward of patriotism in the mellifluous voice of angels.

There will be somber religious services in churches on Memorial Day in the United States. The pastors will specifically petition God to accept the souls’ of the departed soldiers and give them special seats in heaven; wives would weep over their dead husbands; tombs of the gallant’ heroes would be whitewashed and beautiful flowers would be laid on them; war veterans who had been forgotten would instantly be remembered; there would be reports of sighted soldiers in far away lands who had been missing in action; and most important there would be a one minute silence in memory of the dead.

This year’s Memorial Day promises to be interesting. Because one presidential candidate is a decorated war veteran while the other is said to have played safe. But they are both honorable men. One thing which men of honor do on Memorial days is to recount their daring escapades in war. One presidential candidate may script the appearance of the man he saved from drowning in a river during the war in Vietnam. I don’t know what the other would do. However, he too, is an honorable man. But what happens after the Memorial Day?

The high point of presidents’ speeches on Memorial days is usually a determination to make America and the world safer as a tribute to the fallen soldiers. But that statement has been made over and over again. It was made four months before 9/11. Yet peace continues to elude America and the world.

As regards this, French playwright Moliere said: “Of all follies there is none greater than wanting to make the world a better place.” Was he right? Let UN scribe Kofi Annan answer. “I think the most frustrating part is that we all know what’s wrong and what needs to be done, but we often can’t act upon it,” he says. That is an admission of failure supreme. The secretary-general and Bill Clinton for example, saw the impending genocide in Rwanda. (80,000 slaughtered in 100 days worse than what Adolph Hitler did to the Jews.) Yet they refused to act. (I have said elsewhere that that world body should be scrapped.)

But is the past any guide? According to William Shakespeare, “What is past is prologue.” The cause of past world pogrom should have provided an insight to our leaders not to repeat history. However, it is not so. Kofi Annan again agrees: “At times, when incredible things are happening and we want to awaken the conscience of the world, no one wants to move because of bad experiences in the past.” See what’s happening in Iraq now. See what Israel is doing to Hamas’ leaders in Palestine murder in broad daylight. Yet the hands of the members of the world body are tied. One authority said that history is a tale of unfulfilled expectations and failed dreams. This is because we are searching for peace with the wrong tools.

When the two kings quoted earlier in CHASING SHADOWS! did not see Inferno, the terrorist, they decided to shoot and bomb his spirit parents: Hatred, Oppression, Frustration, Injustice, Mistrust, Fear, and Enmity. But these spirits are immune to the guns and bombs of these men. The assault fails and Inferno is free to set the world on fire. The book is therefore a pure allegory alluding to the ineffectual results of violence to thwart violence.

If we do not eradicate these monsters that breed war and terror, the killings would continue, and the veterans would have fought and died in vain. And Memorial days would continue to come and go. Presidents would give Demosthenian and Ciceronian speeches and exit. But death and gravedom the ultimate winners would forever dog our heels, the heels of our wives, and that of our children.

ARTHUR ZULU is an editor, book reviewer, and published author.
BOOKS PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR
http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/21013
CHASING SHADOWS!: A Dream
http://www.1stbooks.com/bookview/10975
HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER

About the Author

Arthur Zulu is an editor, book reviewer, and published author.

These poems, written in a uniquely modern style, reflect a journey of sacrifice, courage and strength. “The ideals of cultural preservation, respect and love intertwine with each person encountered along the narrator’s journey and serve as inspiration to all people, regardless of race religion or sex,” states the introduction of the book.

Bantayehu says there have been very few work works of poetry written and published by Ethiopian authors. And he feels as though he’s breaking new ground for this genre of literature by combining the English language with Ethiopian culture.

“The Healing Conscious” is available for pre-order at Borders and Barnes & Noble. It’s also available online at Amazon.com and books.lulu.com at discounted pricing.
Part of the proceeds from book sales will be donated to Ethiopian Children’s and Orphans’ Association, Inc. (ECOA), 46664, Africare, the African AIDS Initiative and other organizations working to promote HIV awareness and helping those affected in Sub-Saharan and East Africa.

Bantayehu says he wrote the book-which is based on the lives of his parents- to tell the compelling story of an immigrant, who through much pain and sacrifice, was able to leave his homeland of Ethiopia with an equally-strong and motivated woman, and raise four children in the best possible environment for education, opportunity and happiness.

“Although, there are many wonderfully unique stories and novels depicting the lives of immigrants in America of backgrounds ranging from Italian, Irish, Chinese, and English, there has been little said of the sacrifices and contributions of the Ethiopian immigrant community residing in the United States,” Bantayehu said, explaining his motivation. “Not only do we, as Ethiopians, possess over 2,000 years of a rich, cultural heritage, but we are a loving, caring and hard working people from whom the values of family, sacrifice, respect and camaraderie can be learned.”

“The Healing Conscious” is meant to inspire immigrants and others to have faith in their dreams because anything is possible. It also seeks to stir cultural consciousness and sensitivity. Many people and the world community at large, don’t take the time to understand a culture or society other than their own, Bantayheu says. And stereotypes, misconceptions, and hatred arise from our lack of knowledge.

“Whether Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or any other ethnic or religious background, we all breathe the same air, feel fear, feel joy, shed tears, laugh, and love,” he says. “Those innate qualities make us human.”

Given the fears and prejudices that have arisen from the September 11 tragedy, “The Healing Conscious” promotes important principles for the entire global community to embrace and practice.

For more information about the book, please contact Kifle Bantayehu via phone / fax at (703) 628-3229 / (703) 448-0515 or email at kifle@globalcbp.com Additional information may be located at the following website: www.thehealingconscious.com.

About the Author

Kifle Bantayehu is a second-generation Ethiopian born in the United States in 1980. He grew up in Mexico, Kenya, Zimbabwe, Ethiopia, and the United States. In 2002, he received his B.A. Degree from the University of Virginia and currently resides in Virginia, USA. He is a Distinguished Member of the International Society of Poets.

Whilst grieving for your loved one you may find yourself not wanting contact with anybody other than those to whom you are closest. Having to deal with so many people can be very difficult so it’s important to understand how to handle them.

Relatives and Close Friends

Those who were close to the deceased need to be contacted before the funeral. When you break the news, remember that they will also need the chance to express their grief and this must be respected, no matter how deeply distressed you are feeling yourself.

Sometimes it can be difficult, if not impossible, to trace certain family members. Don’t feel guilty if you’ve not been able to contact all of them.

Some of those who you’ll need to contact may be people who you do not know personally. If they come to the funeral and you have not been able to speak to them properly it would be a good idea to write or telephone them later, to thank them for attending.

The Small Funeral

Perhaps you have decided on a small funeral, either through your own personal preference or because the deceased made their own preference clear. Perhaps the financial side of the funeral will force you into this decision. Make the decision clear and stick to it.

You may find that some friends or relatives insist on attending even after you’ve explained this to them. Be polite but firm. Explain that you appreciate their wish to attend, but that it is a family decision to enforce such a restriction. If they still insist, they are simply being insensitive and you may have to take a different approach. You might tell them that the date of the funeral has not yet been decided and leave things at that. Whatever you do, don’t allow anyone to emotionally blackmail you into changing your decision. And don’t feel guilty if you need to lie. They are being insensitive, and you are simply trying to deal with matters as best you can.

Polite Conversation

Unless the funeral is very small it will probably be impossible for you to speak to all of the attendees. Don’t even try. Most people will understand that you are not going to feel like making polite conversation. You will find that those will any degree of sensitivity will simply approach you, kiss your cheek/shake your hand and offer their condolences. They will not expect more than you are able to offer.

The Wake

Most people organize some form of refreshment after the funeral. This can be a good way of accepting condolences from those you were unable to speak with during the actual service. By offering refreshments you are showing that you are willing to share your grief with those who are also suffering through their own loss.

Enlist the help of a friend or two. You may feel that you will be able to cope but having support close by will be very helpful should you find that you are feeling too upset to appear.

The Will

It’s an unfortunate fact that funerals can often bring out the worst in people. Some of the most long-lasting family arguments have started at a funeral,
with squabbles over who should get what. You may find yourself surprised at just who is able to throw themselves into such arguments, even though they are in the midst of their own grief.

You may find yourself being quizzed at the graveside. People can be very clever in their approach, offering condolences and then adding the innocent question of what the deceased has left to whom. You may also find yourself the target of malicious comments regarding your ‘improved financial situation’. There can be more hidden rivalry within families than most would imagine.

You mustn’t allow yourself to be drawn into arguments. Simply pretend to ignore any unwanted comments and questions. If they persist, explain that you are far too upset to think about such matters at the moment and that if they’ve been mentioned in the will then they will be contacted in due course.

In the case of a will never having been made and where there is any disagreement regarding who has the right to what, explain that you will appoint a solicitor to handle the estate and explain, as above, that they will be contacted in due course.

The Following Days

Some people find themselves terribly alone in the days following the funeral, whereas others feel that they never have any time to themselves to grieve. Remember that others cannot read your mind anymore than you can read theirs, they’re simply doing what they believe to be right.

If they choose to stay away, they are probably doing so out of respect for your privacy. If they choose to spend as much time as possible with you, this will be because they fear for your ability to cope alone. Explain to them what your needs are. If you need people around you, phone some friends and ask them to visit. If you need to be alone, explain this politely and ask if you may phone them should you need their company. You’ll find that most people are very accommodating as long as they understand your needs.

The loss of a loved one is never easy and nobody will ever expect it to be. For some the funeral seems to pass as just a hazy memory, leaving a feeling of guilt at not remembering the details of this last farewell. Remember that it’s the memories you have of the person when alive that are important, and it’s these that will remain clear to you in the future. During deep grief it can be very difficult to grasp details of what’s happening but this does not mean you didn’t care. Quite the opposite in fact.

About the Author

Sharon grew up in East London but moved to Norway at the age of 19, returning to England in 1998. She now lives in Cheshire with her partner and two of her three children. Besides writing, she is currently studying Social Science with The Open University, runs a web site where women in the UK can meet other women for platonic friendship (www.friendsyourway.co.uk), potters in her garden, knits and reads everything she comes over. Sharon can be contacted at s.jacobsen@doodlebugmedia.co.uk